


if you want to be happy (in a million ways)

by phloridas



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Marriage Proposal, and if not i hope you're having a wonderful relaxing monday!, lester family christmas 2017, merry christmas if you celebrate it!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 14:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13148484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phloridas/pseuds/phloridas
Summary: “You’re leaving me for anentire week,Phil? What am I supposed to do, just sit around and watch my socks dry?”“Yes,Dan, you can come too.”Or, Dan and Phil's first (real) Lester family Christmas.





	if you want to be happy (in a million ways)

One frozen December night, a little boy with bushy blonde hair and Winnie the Pooh pajamas sends a wish to the blackened skies above as he snuggles against his pillow with a heart far too heavy for this festive season. Maybe one day he’ll have parents who won’t constantly brush him aside for his baby brother. Maybe one day he won’t be blamed for every tiny mess in the house.

Maybe one day ( _no, Dan, you know that’s too much_ )--maybe one day he’ll have a family that won’t treat him like a burden in a house he didn’t even ask to exist in anyway.

 

\--

“So how long do we have before we’ve gotta batch film things later in the month?”

Dan’s curled up on the couch with his laptop, Phil tucked in their warmest blanket beside him, both appraising a long Notepad file. It wasn’t his idea to repeat what felt like a literal dumpster fire some days last year, especially with their calendar growing fuller and fuller towards the end of the month, but Phil wouldn’t shut up about it. What could Dan do but agree?

“Well, like I said, my family wants an early Christmas, so I’m leaving the nineteenth. That’s...six days, then, of prefilming? I think?”

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me for an _entire week_ , Phil. What am I supposed to do, just sit around and watch my socks dry?”

There’s something like a glimmer fighting its way to the front of Phil’s eyes, or maybe that’s just the specks of yellow under the luminous lounge lights. Dan raises an eyebrow, and the tiny quirk of Phil’s lips tells him everything he needs to know.

“ _Yes_ , Dan, you can come too. Merry Christmas! I already got your ticket, mum says you have to come this year after her birthday visit was so short. Cornelia’s coming too, so it’s gonna be a real Lester family Christmas!” Phil’s got a hand on Dan’s shoulder, the other tangling amongst Dan’s fingers until their palms are clasped together. The tongue between his teeth expression is nothing new but there’s an extra layer of expectation this time.

Or maybe that’s just Dan’s astonishment.

“Re--really? Oh my god, Phil, you’re serious?”

“‘Course I am, silly duck.” Phil snuggles closer, smelling of pizza and mince pie. “You owe my parents eight years of gifts, you know.”

Dan can barely form words, his insides filling and expanding and rocketing off to the next galaxy. An early Christmas with the Lesters? What on earth does Phil have up his sleeve?

“I...god, yeah, I guess I do. I can sorta figure out your mum, but what does your dad like anyway?” Dan pulls up Safari. Fuck gamingmas, honestly.

Phil squeezes Dan’s shoulder again, and Dan allows himself a quick peck to the top of Phil’s head. His excitement is pretty darn adorable. “Well, you know I usually get him a nice set of drawing pencils. You could piggyback on that and get a sketchbook or coloured pencils or something.”

“Hmmmmm, maybe. I kinda wanna do something special for my first Christmas with you guys, though.” As Dan maneuvers over to Amazon, a part of him feels he could burst into Christmas carols right then and there, despite it still being early November.

A _real_ Lester family Christmas.

After January, the Isle of Man had quickly become one of his favourite places--both for the people there and the overwhelming rush of love that came with celebrating his favourite person with their other favourite people. It doesn’t feel real.

Then again, Dan thinks as he tugs the corner of Phil’s blanket over to him (as if Phil’s body heat wasn’t enough), isn’t Christmas a time of miracles? And, most of all, _family?_

 

\--

The snow is bountiful up north.

That’s the first thing Dan notices as their plane begins its descent into a growing grid of frosted branches and rooftops, and something about it fills his nose with mulled wine and Kathryn’s impossibly fluffy pancakes. Just minutes into the journey, Dan found it impossible to edit, so he passed the laptop to Phil in an attempt to clear his mind of everything but the family time lying before him. More than anywhere, Isle of Man is the place where Dan can leave his stresses at the plane door and settle into an eight year rhythm with this cosy clan that he’d give the world to if he could.

Well, as long as he can get his brain to behave, anyway.

The usual bear hugs greet him at the tiny airport, with an extra one from Kath and a whispered “Oh Dan, I hope everything’s going alright.”

“Yeah, of course. Everything’s great!”

And for once, it’s true.

The Lesters’ house is dressed to the nines in festivity, complete with tiny frosted trees on every table and “Home for the holidays” towels in the bathrooms. Dan has to bite back a bark of laughter. Of _course_ it is. Why wouldn’t it be, knowing their son?

Martyn and Cornelia shockingly aren’t sick of him yet, judging by the wattage of their smiles rivaling that of the massive tree in the living room. Here, Dan’s presence is met with raucous cries, everyone dropping what they’re doing to offer a warm embrace.

He has to admit, it’s a nice alternative to plastered smiles and quick hand waves. At least his mum has improved on the hugging front recently.

The next few days pass in a flurry of snow and memories brushed from the most precious recesses of Dan’s mind. It does help to be away from the Rawtenstall house, if only to keep the tears at bay. The similarities between this year and the first one may be uncanny but they’re also _different_.

His stomach doesn’t clench every time Phil’s dad speaks in the soft voice Dan initially expected to harden with scrutiny. He’s no longer racking his brain for witty responses to impress Martyn, who Dan knows now is just as big a dork as Phil. There’s no abandoned hospitals to walk through with hands held beneath mittens and hats pushed aside to sneak kisses in the snow.

Now there’s nature walks, both with the Lesters and just with Phil, who at the moment is quite rudely leaving Dan to hop from foot to foot on the expansive porch. He’s about to head back into the warm embrace of snowman figures and the eggnog Phil somehow insisted on year after year when a shout emerges from behind the picture window.

“Daaaannnnn hurry up, the sun’s gonna set before you get your damn boots on!”

Dan pokes his head in the door, rolling his eyes at the man nearly falling over in his own boot-tying endeavours.

“Stop bouncing around like that, Tigger, I’m already out. Who’s the slowpoke now?”

Phil just swats at Dan’s fuzzy hat as he hops back up. “Did I mention I’m really glad we got this time together? I thought Cornelia was going to hold my coat hostage if we didn’t agree to that rematch. Not to mention, I really did need to walk this spot with you alone.”

“It’s nice to have someone who gets your festive spirit, isn’t it?” Maybe it’s the Christmas carols still bopping around his head, maybe it’s the December chill hitting his nose in that delicious way, but something prompts him to link their arms together as if they’re the only two people in the world.

And right now, they are.

The trail is a familiar one by now, but that doesn’t make the memories any less of a total blindside as they flash before his eyes like snowballs, twisting and squeezing his heart in ways Dan didn’t think possible. They don’t speak much of it but Phil clearly feels it too, if the giggle that tumbles out when they reach the top of the tiny cliff is anything to go by.

“God, I still can’t get over you falling down here after...after…” Phil can’t get the words out, he’s so overcome by giggles. A foot of his own slides across the snow, just hanging off the cliff, and Phil has to grab hold of Dan’s shoulder, tears streaming down his face as the laughter threatens to take over.

Now Dan’s choking on his own giggles, something buzzing in him that only Phil can produce, and it’s good. So good he could drown in it. “That’s still--that’s--oh god, that’s still a sore subject, Phil.”

“Oh, _is_ it now?” Phil’s got a snowflake on the tip of his nose. Dan’s about to reach for it, but it melts before he can remove his gloved hand from Phil’s shoulder.

Just before they start back, Dan asks Phil for his phone. “So I can get a good picture, you dork. The world needs to know how good you’re looking today.”

Phil rolls his eyes but slides in front of the rocks anyway. It takes a few seconds but soon enough Dan’s muttering, “Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good one,” before handing the phone back to Phil with the faintest of soft smiles. The smile (if you can call it that--Dan feels it better resembles puppy dog eyes himself) isn’t one Dan would normally want to share, but then neither was the photo Phil snapped of him right below here in January.

Boundaries whomst? This moment doesn’t need them.

 

\--

Others do, though, like Christmas Eve morning and the gift exchange that fills Dan with warm fuzzies he’d never reveal to the wider world.

They don’t deserve it. Only Dan and the Lesters themselves do.

“Okay, everyone’s got their coffee, or tea if that’s your preference?” Kath asks as she settles into the cushy cream armchair next to the tree sparkling with snowmen. A murmur of assent rises from the floor, and she scoops up the first gift wrapped in suspiciously familiar paper.

Dan buries his head in his hands. “God, Cornelia, I can’t believe you’re spreading the spon to your own family. I suppose it is pretty satisfying to rip your own face apart, though.”

“I had to deal with your lazy asses using nothing but this for three years, now it’s your turn!” Cornelia wags a finger at the snowflake pyjama-clad boys squished against each other, red curls bouncing and snapping in the festive lights.

The first gift goes to Kathryn herself, a _Sunday Times_ bestseller she’d been talking about since her birthday that she actually squeals over before pulling out a wreath-covered box and handing it to her husband.

Dan’s heart jumps to his throat. Phil sneaks a lightning-fast hand squeeze and Dan shoots an even briefer smile, just stopping himself from dipping his head on Phil’s shoulder.

He’s got nothing to worry about, of course, as Nigel lets out a whoop of joy at the boxset. “Phil helped you with this, didn’t he?”

“Daaaddd,” Phil groans while at the same time Dan hedges, “Well, maybe…”, drawing a generous laugh from the semicircle. Dan picks up his Winnie the Pooh mug and green tea splashes across his tongue, opening his pores better than any cleanser Phil had ever recommended.

Everything else goes by in a blur of laughter and hugs and torn-apart Dans and Phils, Christmas carols drifting past their ears and genuine smiles all around. Martyn almost swats Phil with the Truth Bombs box he unwraps before Phil prompts him to look inside, burying his laughs in Dan’s shoulder. He then proceeds to really swat Phil with the rolled-up dog calendar and horror DVD inside.

Dan gets a box of his favourite tea from Phil’s parents (“You know you guys didn’t have to get me anything--” “Oh yes we did, Daniel, after all the joy you’ve given us it’s a crime not to!”), a cinnamon and sugar candle from Cornelia, and a dog photography book hidden inside a box of Crunchy Nut from Martyn.

Phil’s gift, wrapped in bone paper, gets a scream of delight from both boys--Dan even claps his hands. They both gasp when Phil notices the hamster and rabbit that so closely resemble Norris and Holly, as well as the ferret that could look like a red panda if you squint.

“You--you guys!” Phil hugs the box to his chest, voice clogged with emotion. “How did you find this? It’s brilliant!”

Kathryn simply replies, “Amazon recommendations have been quite astute this year,” but the glow to her face is enough to power the entire island.

The real shock of the day comes from Cornelia, though. With wintry wrapping paper littering the ground and everyone inspecting their goods, only Dan notices the tiny box she pulls from her flannel pyjama pants with the most obvious of stifled grins as she turns to Martyn in his blue and white snowman pyjamas.

It takes only the tiniest clearing of her throat to draw everyone else’s eyes over, a blush rising in her cheeks. “Mar, this last one’s for you. Merry Christmas, hon.”

Martyn takes special care in tearing off the mistletoe paper (Dan breathes a sigh of relief at the lack of his face), making Cornelia bounce a little with her wringing hands. His face when he pops open the blue velvet is a priceless mix of _what the fuck_ , _did you actually, you little shit I love you so much_ , all rolled into one.

“Surprise! So, is that a yes?” The rapture is something Dan’s never seen before, not even during a _Game of Thrones_ viewing party.

“Hell, of course! I just can’t believe--you, and, and now--”

“Okay, but we are _not_ having a joint wedding.” Phil’s finally found his tongue in all the excitement, and it draws a huge laugh from everyone, as Dan’s sure they’re all remembering the same moment on the cliff in January that he is. A bubbling fills his chest that snaps and pops somewhere behind his eyes and lights the whole room in love and festivity.

“Oh, I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about there, little brother,” Martyn says as he slips the gold band onto his finger. “You said it yourself, you guys aren’t in any hurry. You’ve got a world to tour first.”

“Yeah, so do you!” Phil shoots back.

Dan takes the moment to run his eyes over the room, over the snowmen on the tree and in the bookshelves, and the photos of Kathryn and Nigel and Phil and Martyn, from toddlers to adulthood, with Dan and Cornelia sprinkled throughout. He couldn’t find a more festive or comfortable space--besides maybe the duplex. This doesn’t feel any less like home, though.

_Home doesn’t need to be just one place, you know._

It’s a new concept, but one that makes Dan feel complete for one of the first times in his life. It’s a lot for his first real Lester family Christmas. But at the same time, it’s just enough.

 

\--

Years later, that same boy curls up against a new, plumper pillow with dark curls and nothing but a pair of boxers, but he doesn’t make a wish this time.

He doesn’t need to. He’s _got_ that family. But best of all, he’s got the most beautiful boy whose face glows brighter than their Christmas tree whenever Dan enters the room.

_Hey, six-year-old Dan? You’re gonna be just fine._

And for once in his life, Dan actually believes it.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr/Twitter: @phloridas
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and for any support you've given me and my fics in 2017! I feel so lucky to have people reading my work, let alone enjoying it, so no matter if you've just clicked on one of my stories and smiled or if you've left loads of comments, I love you all to the tops of the highest mountains and back! <33 I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing holiday period and that the start of 2018 can treat you right! Merry Christmas!
> 
> (And how about those pinof bloopers today? What a ride, am I right?)


End file.
